Be Inspiring, Not Instructing: The MFA Approach to Parenting
At Muslim Family Adventures (MFA), we believe that parenting is about more than simply raising children to follow a set of rules. It’s about fostering curiosity, resilience, and a love for growth, and the best way to do that is to lead by example—not by instruction. Our approach to parenting can be summed up in a simple phrase: "Be inspiring, not instructing."
When we think of inspiring versus instructing, the difference is profound. Instructing is about telling children what to do, often with the expectation of obedience. It’s a top-down method where rules are laid down and followed because they are told to. While this has its place in certain situations, it rarely fosters a deep, intrinsic motivation within children. Instead, it creates a dynamic where they may follow instructions, but only when they’re being watched or told.
On the other hand, inspiring children is about showing them the beauty of the journey. It’s about sparking their curiosity so that they naturally want to learn, explore, and grow. When we inspire, we’re not simply telling our children to follow a path—we’re walking alongside them, sometimes leading, sometimes exploring together, and other times learning from their perspective.
Why Inspiration is Key
Children are incredibly observant and impressionable. They learn by watching and imitating the world around them—especially their parents. This means that our actions and attitudes as parents often speak louder than our words. By living in a way that reflects the values we want to instill in our children, we inspire them to embrace these values naturally.
For example, if we want our children to develop a love for nature and adventure, it’s not enough to instruct them to go outside and play. We need to show them our own love for the outdoors by taking them on hikes, pointing out the beauty in the landscapes, and expressing our own joy in these activities. When they see us light up with excitement over the simple pleasures of nature, they’ll be more likely to want to join in and develop that same appreciation themselves.
Similarly, if we want our children to develop kindness, patience, and empathy, we can’t simply tell them to "be kind" or "be patient." We need to model those qualities in our own actions—in the way we treat others, in how we respond to challenges, and in how we interact with them. When they experience our kindness and patience firsthand, they’ll naturally internalise those behaviours.
The Power of Leading by Example
Parenting through inspiration means embracing a mindset of growth. It requires us to live by the values we want to impart, to demonstrate through our actions the qualities we hope our children will embody. Here are a few ways to practice this philosophy:
1. Cultivate a Love for Learning
Instead of instructing your child to "go study" or "do your homework," show them how much you love to learn. Let them see you reading books, asking questions, and seeking knowledge. Engage them in conversations about topics that fascinate you, and ask them what they’re curious about. When they see learning as an exciting, lifelong journey, they’re more likely to develop a genuine passion for it.
2. Be Active in the Adventure
At MFA, we believe in the transformative power of outdoor experiences. Instead of simply telling your children to "go outside and play," take the time to go on adventures with them. Whether it’s a family hike, a day of kayaking, or simply an afternoon walk through the park, show them the joy and fulfillment that comes from being active and exploring the world around them.
3. Show Gratitude and Positivity
If we want our children to grow up with a mindset of gratitude, it’s essential that we model this in our daily lives. Share moments of thankfulness, big or small, and talk openly about the things you’re grateful for. When challenges arise, demonstrate how to reframe struggles in a positive light, showing them that every difficulty is an opportunity for growth.
4. Foster Independence through Support
Encouraging independence isn’t about leaving children to fend for themselves. It’s about supporting them through challenges while allowing them the space to learn and grow. Instead of instructing them step-by-step, offer gentle guidance and then step back, letting them take ownership of their journey. This fosters resilience, problem-solving skills, and confidence in their abilities.
Inspiration Over Instruction in Faith
Even in matters of faith, leading by example is key. Islamic values such as compassion, patience, and sincerity are best absorbed when children see them reflected in our daily actions. Instead of instructing them to "pray on time" or "be good Muslims," we can inspire them by demonstrating our own connection to Allah (SWT).
When they see us praying not out of obligation, but out of love and devotion, they will want to emulate that. When they hear us making du'a or turning to Allah for comfort and guidance, they will internalise that as their source of strength too.
The philosophy of "Be inspiring, not instructing" is beautifully reflected in the way Allah (SWT) guides us through the Qur’an. Rather than simply commanding us with lists of dos and don’ts, Allah fills the Qur'an with countless examples and stories to inspire us to live righteous, purposeful lives. For instance, in Surah Yusuf, we learn from the story of Prophet Yusuf (AS) about patience, trust in Allah, and resilience in the face of hardship. His journey from being abandoned in a well to becoming a leader in Egypt shows us how faith and perseverance can lead to ultimate success. Similarly, in Surah Maryam, the story of Maryam (AS) inspires us with her devotion, modesty, and reliance on Allah, despite the many trials she faced. Through these stories and many others, Allah (SWT) inspires us not just through commands, but by showing us the beauty of these values in action, encouraging us to embody them in our own lives.
Building Trust and Connection
When we inspire our children rather than instruct, we also build stronger bonds of trust and connection. By engaging with them, exploring their interests, and showing that we’re willing to learn and grow together, we create a deeper relationship. They’ll be more open to seeking advice, sharing their challenges, and trusting our guidance when they see that it comes from a place of lived experience, not just words.
Conclusion: Living the Message
"Be inspiring, not instructing" is a core value at Muslim Family Adventures because we believe that children thrive when they’re surrounded by positivity, curiosity, and example. By living our values, we create an environment that nurtures growth, learning, and deep connection—not just with us as parents, but with the world around them and with Allah (SWT).
Ultimately, the most effective way to guide our children is not by telling them what to do, but by showing them how to live. When we live a life of integrity, curiosity, and compassion, we inspire them to do the same, setting them on a path of lifelong growth, fulfillment, and faith.
